I was diagnosed with Cervical Dysplasia (CD) January, 2000 and
believe me, I was horrified! Me?! I am healthy, I protested! I have been reading Dr.
Carolyn Myss' books and in The Creation of Health she writes:
"Every illness or dysfunction a person develops is an indication of a specific type
of emotional, psychological or spiritual stress. Each of the characteristics
of an illness, such as its location in the physical body, is symbolically important."
This really was a wake up call to me. My body was telling me something was wrong. I
have the book Christiane Northrup wrote: Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom
and she closely parallels Dr. Myss' premise that my illness was a result of
some kind of emotional, psychological or spiritual stress. What was this all about?
I battled with myself to find the cause of this.
I told my primary care physician (PCP), "This result has to be
wrong." So, she sent me to a specialist. I go to my OB/GYN for the first
time. I tell him how healthy I am and that this result has to be wrong. Please recheck it
I ask and he agrees. His results show "inflammation" and I say, "OK, I will
come back in six months." He frowns. They want me in for a biopsy. In my head I was
thinking, "Oh no, that hurts and you beasts just want to cut on me and drag me into
your medical spiral of horror." I was overreacting. I was scared and angry.
"What was happening to me?" I asked myself.
I know lots of my women friends who have had these abnormalities and
I am just somewhat suspicious that the medical community is monetarily motivated.
I don't feel half of the people treated need to be under a doctor's care at
all. I felt that too many of my friends have been sent for unnecessary procedures.
I was extremely wary. I don't have much regard for allopathic medicine.
Because of my skepticism, I am sure that this inflammation is nothing major and will
just run its course and go away.
During this period I found out that my sister has taken her second
Reiki Attunement. She faithfully begins healings for me. She tells me to, "Wear
orange." This is the color of the sacral chakra (the location of the CD).
"Eat orange everything", she says. "Start visualizing your
health." Every conversation I have with her is encouraging. I follow all her
suggestions.
For six months I meditate, pray, eat well, take vitamins and read up
on such medical conditions. All the literature says that this has to do with life changes
I am going through. I don't feel that "Inflammation" is so bad. Everyone tells
me not to be worried. I was getting better. I seek a third opinion. I change to a new PCP
and ask her to retake my Pap Smear and she does and much to my dismay, I have a Grade IV
CD! This doctor sends me to the original OB/GYN with my third negative result. Everything
keeps coming back negatively. "It's only CD, I protest!" But, the writing's on
the wall, this is just not going to "go away." I agree to have a "Cold
Knife Coneization". But this too only brings back the worst news:
adenocarcinoma - in situ. The disease was so deep into my tissues that a
hysterectomy is recommended.
I think it's important to note that after these results, I am truly
baffled by this illness that has seemed relatively minor at the onslaught has become
steadily worse. I am once again comforted by the wisdom of Dr. Carolyn Myss in her book:
Why People Don't Heal and How They Can.
She writes:
"Life is full of mystery. In fact, life is only a mystery - a
journey beset by fogs we didn't see coming and detours into magical gardens that we had no
idea were being cultivated for us. Asking why the painful and wonderful events in
our lives occur when and as they is a useless waste of energy. We can never know all that
was involved in creating these moments in our lives. In psychological - and Divine -
parlance, these events are "overdetereminded": So many factors, incidents,
forces and energies are involved in them that you can never determine any single
cause."
I was beginning to get the hang of all this. I am starting to feel
calmer and more willing to take this strange journey I was reluctantly embarking upon. I
had no idea what was in store for me. The 'mystery' was unfolding.
So, by this time, the doctor knows me without having to consult his
chart. We have a frank chat. I finally say, "Ok, take her (my uterus) out. If
it's going to cause me all this trouble, take her out." We schedule one last meeting
to discuss the procedure. I go to a trusted friend Rebeca's home. I cry my eyes out.
"I need more time!", I sob. "I can't do this! I am not ready!" So, we
sit down with some green tea, candles and we say a prayer. We want a miracle. The meeting
is tomorrow and there's no way to turn back. It's going to happen. We pray and we pray and
I go home exhausted. The next morning my boyfriend, Scott, and I go to the doctor.
The doctor tells me he has consulted with his old professor from medical school. He has
told his professor about my hesitations regarding having a hysterectomy. The professor
advises my doctor to give me another three months. If in January the result is still as
bad, then we should look at the next step - hysterectomy. There will be no more
coneizations, biopsies or scrapings.
I take this three months more seriously than I ever dreamed
possible. I work on myself like I have three months to live. I get friends and family to
pray for me and prayer groups to pray for me and I pray. I receive Reiki healings
from my sister Moira (My Reiki Master), I take vitamins, drink herbal teas, I begin to
look at forgiveness as a means to peace and begin clearing resentments. I study
detox procedures, I eliminate red meat, I begin
doing daily health visualizations and I try to be of more service to others. I start
to clear away unnecessary possessions, I begin to really love myself but my best move, I
believe, is when Scott and I accepted our first Reiki Attunements from Moira on December
27th, 2000 in Glasgow, Scotland.
Reiki, I feel, changed the whole course of events. It was
through Reiki that my eyes and heart began to see life differently. I began to trust
healing energy. Reiki opened me up to another way of life, a new way of loving and
seeing. I began doing regular healings on myself and others. I read everything
I could on Reiki. I found a place of peace inside myself that I never knew was
possible.
When I stepped back into the doctor's office on January 29th, 2001
for my three month test, the deciding test, the one that said whether a hysterectomy was
necessary or not, the doctor came in and sat down. He said that he had worried about me
all during the holidays. I should have had a hysterectomy in October but he would take
this test just for my peace of mind. I was grateful. I went home that day feeling that
whatever happened was fine with me. Whether my CD was cured or healed, I didn't mind. I
felt like I had had enough time to do all I could so that the outcome - whatever it may be
- would be fine with me.
On February 8th, 2001, I received a call from my OB/GYN to say that
the tests done on January 29th were good. Though I still had atypical cells, the
adenocarcinoma - in situ was gone. No hysterectomy. This was, in my heart, a
Reiki and Prayer miracle. The healing power of the Divine had given me something
very special. I still have work to do but I am happy and at peace. A full healing
has taken place in my life. I am deeply grateful to my family and friends who prayed for
me and especially I am grateful to my Reiki Master.
On June the 4th of 2001, my faithful doctor tested me again and the
results were normal. Both the Pap Smear and the 'scraping' he did showed no evidence
of CD. Once I got this news I sent word to everyone I could think of who had been
part of this fabulous remission. The list was over twenty people! In October
I will be re-tested. At this juncture, I feel great confidence in the power of
prayer, Reiki and healthful living. I now know that it can be done. I have
been informed by my dear doctor that CD has a high rate of reoccurrence. I can't help but
think that the Universe really knew just what to give me to keep me on my Healing Path.
I am deeply grateful to everyone who has walked closely with me on
this challenging path especially my true love, Scott Gordon, who has tirelessly listened
to all of my fears and anxieties. Scott has been a constant source of compassion and love.
His dedication to truth and honesty have lit the path of healing for me. My sister
Moira, also my Reiki Master, has shown me the way of energy medicine. I will never
be able to thank her completely for all she has done. And always, I am forever
grateful to my dear family and friends who have always stood by my side no matter what
path I have chosen to take. Thank you all.
To Be Continued in October 2001!
October 19th, 2001:
I went in for my three month check up and was surprised to hear the
doctor say that he was still worried about me. He is
afraid the cervical dysplasia would come back. He didn't even do our routine
scraping. He sent me home to think about a hysterectomy. Well, it's been a year
since he suggested this operation the first time. I have had to go to the doctor's
every three months and it has not been pleasant. I have decided to go for the
operation just for prevention's sake. My sister Bríd wisely said, "Why take chances
with your health?" My dear friend who is currently undergoing treatment for ovarian
cancer says that the women she sees who have cervical cancer are in far more discomfort
than she has ever been or ever will be. The OB/GYN who gave me a 'second opinion'
said that reoccurrence was very high. If I decided to opt for keeping my uterus, this
means that I would be having four "well-woman" check ups a year. Since I have
not been blessed with children, I thought the hysterectomy was an option. My aunt
had one done at my age and she has never regretted it. She has never had to take a hormone
and she is in her late 50's now. The future looks good for me. So, this concludes the
cervical dysplasia episode of my life.
The whole hysterectomy experience was quite serious. So, if anyone
out there is thinking about one, be sure it's what you want or that you must have one.
There are MANY things that can go awry and upset your life forever. A hysterectomy
should not be done for sterilization purposes, in my opinion. The procedure
seriously disturbs the whole body for at least a year and you need the whole six weeks
after the operation to recover both physically and emotionally. Women, like myself,
who have not had their ovaries removed have said that the reduced estrogen production
which is inevitable after a hysterectomy, has produced noticeable effects on their
bodies. These have been: change in skin texture, bladder problems, sleep
disturbances and a lowered immune system in general. Also, seek professional advise
regarding diet after a hysterectomy. By eating to keep your tissues healthy and your
estrogen production high, you will eliminate future problems. There are also supplements
you can take to keep your body's new system in great repair. By taking extra
good care of yourself, you will avoid taking hormone replacement therapy (HRT) any earlier
than you have to. Remember to exercise and take time to meditate and relax too!
